PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

PDA is a profile of autism characterised by high anxiety and an overwhelming need to resist everyday demands, even when those demands are ordinary or come from a trusted adult. This avoidance is not “defiance” in the traditional sense, but an anxiety-driven need for control and predictability.

At Curly Words, we support children with PDA and their families by using low-demand, relationship-first approaches that reduce anxiety, create trust, and gradually build capacity. Central to our approach is recognising when to pick your battles and when to offer children control — or the illusion of control — so they feel safe enough to participate.

The PANDA model

The PANDA model is a practical framework used internationally to guide PDA-informed strategies:

• P – Pick battles (choose what really matters and let go of what doesn’t).
• A – Anxiety management (recognise triggers and lower demands before they escalate).
• N – Negotiation and collaboration (work with the child, not against them).
• D – Disguise and distraction (use humour, roleplay, or indirect approaches).
• A – Adaptation (flex your own approach to reduce pressure and keep trust intact).

Strategies that help

• Offer choices or “illusion of choice” instead of direct instructions (“Would you like to start with maths or art?”).
• Use negotiation, humour and playful approaches to reduce the weight of demands.
• Focus on emotional safety before academic or behavioural expectations.
• Build on the child’s special interests as natural entry points for learning and connection.
• Accept that flexibility is key — what works today may need adapting tomorrow.

We provide parent workshops on PDA-informed strategies and co-design individualised plans with families. These plans respect children’s autonomy while still helping them meet essential goals, ensuring that support feels collaborative rather than imposed.

References

• Christie, P. et al. (2011). Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in Children. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
• Gillberg, C. (2010). The ESSENCE in Child Psychiatry… Research in Developmental Disabilities.
• O’Nions, E. et al. (2014). Pathological Demand Avoidance: Exploring the Behavioural Profile. Autism, 18(5), 538–544.

By combining lived experience, the PANDA model, and the latest evidence, Curly Words and the Mount of Olives Foundation are equipping families and allied health teams with practical, neuroaffirming strategies for supporting children with PDA.